You have decided to attend Groundhog Day.  You’ve never been to Punxsutawney, but you’re pretty sure they already made an educational film on the subject, right?  Well, the film is wrong.  And… you’re gonna need some help.

Here goes the help. Lodging is booked a year in advance

January 2008 might be a good time to book a local hotel in Punxsy for maybe Groundhog Day 2009.  But, if you’re thinking you’re going to room in town right now, you will be rudely surprised.

Lodging with 30 miles is also already booked

Hotels in the surrounding towns (Indiana, Brookville, Clearfield and DuBois) are all already booked, also.

If you’re desperate, try looking here…

Look for hotels in Clarion.  It’s 40 miles northwest of Punxsy, and it is your only outside chance of finding a hotel.

Other than that, you might be able to find someone local who can help you out with a room in their house.  I’ve never found a list.  Hmmm… maybe that’s a plan for next year… make a list?  You never know.

You cannot drive to the site

You have two options:  Take a shuttle bus, or walk.

The walk is several miles, because the event takes place on the very southeast edge of town.  Walking is a bad idea, unless you are young and healthy.

Arrive by 1 am on Feb 2

I cannot emphasize this fact enough.  Busing starts at 3am.  The line is long.  About two hours long if you go to the back of the line.

If you aren’t near the front of the line by 6am, your odds of getting there drop

Tough luck, but that’s the way it is.  The best effort is made to bus everyone, and buses are still arriving most years while the actually groundhog weather prediction takes place.

There are ways to cheat a ride

If you know someone who knows someone at the bus company, there are ways to sneak on board before the buses leave the lot.  Don’t expect this trick to work well after 4am, because by then all the buses are en route.

Bring cash

The buses cost money.  According to groundhog.org, bus tickets are $5 a person or $10 a family.

Plan to stand or walk a looooong time

They don’t actually rip this marmot out of his faux home until between 7:15 and 7:30.   If you’re good at sneaking an early bus, you may be at the Knob from 2 am onward.

Bring food and drinks

The event is not well supplied at Gobbler’s Knob.  While concessions are easy to find downtown, the hill is a whole other ballgame.

All food should be in plastic containers, because…

Expect searches and expect cops

Thanks to rowdy behavior from an enormous and unpoliced crowd the first few year after the movie Groundhog Day hit, the event is heavily policed and bags are regularly searched.  Glass containers are a big no-no.

Searches are generally not thorough, and tend to focus on anything that could function as a harmful projectile.  Truth is, it isn’t that hard to sneak other illegal but not bodily threatening stuff in with inside pockets.

Police, fire, emergency and National Guard personnel are all visible throughout Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day.

The police are dealing with order, and will not arrest you unless you put them in a position where they have no other choice.  A lot of non-threatening stuff gets overlooked, because the cops aren’t there to judge your lifestyle.  They’re there to keep the peace.  If you don’t go harshing anyone else’s buzz, the cops aren’t going to hassle you.

Expect drunks, stoners and morons

Anyone who tries to pitch you that this is a family event is either a jackass or just plain lying.  The largest demographic in Punxsutawney on Groundhog Day is regional college students, mostly from Penn State, Pitt, IUP and Clarion.

This year’s Groundhog Day is a Saturday.  That will mean especially heavy turnout from college ranks.  Also, they will have from 3pm Friday to get good and buzzed.  Take that into consideration.

Don’t bring young children

Only a sadist would bring a child out in cold and wet condition in the middle of nowhere before 6 am to watch a burrowing animal get hollered at by drunk college students.  Seriously.  Review your priorities in life if you feel some compulsion to drag a kid to this, because your head is not on tight.

Dress for the conditions

This year, the conditions are going to be about 20 degrees with rain/snow tapering off by 1 am.  The field will be wet, and likely beginning to freeze.  However, a crowd will prevent that from happening.  This week is expected to be 40s and 50s, only getting colder in time for Groundhog Eve.

This is actually the worst scenario.  It will be cold, but likely not cold enough for solid ground.  A hard freeze all week is the best scenario.

If you’re shooting photography at Gobbler’s Knob…

The prime spots for shooting the main stage get taken around 6:30 am.  If you start moving through the crowd around 5:45, you can actually beat the pros to one of the better spots aiming at the corner of the stage.  They’ll give you dirty looks, which if you’re an amateur should be one of the funnier small victories of your life.  The site is a bowl, so shooting over the crowd is not difficult as long as you’re not in the front row.

Keep in mind, the closer you want to get to the stage the sooner you need to start pushing through.

Also, lighting conditions change rapidly.  This event take place at sunrise.  If you plan to shoot the crowd before the event (there’s always a great bonfire shot waiting to be taken, by the way) you should stock your equipment accordingly.   That means planning to shoot in conditions ranging from total darkness to low-angle winter morning light.

The light doesn’t get really good until 10 am at this latitude.  Sorry.  Sucks, I know.

The souvenir line is a repeat of the bus line

The line for the souvenir shop downtown forms around 8am and does not abate until 11:30.  It is easier, actually, to just go do the concession stands and magicians and come back for your souvenir after noon.

Downtown from 10 am to 1pm is more interesting

In all truth, the main event is boring compared to downtown.  Downtown has ice sculptors, food, drinks, people, magicians.  Out of town just has people huddling around a burn barrel for warmth.

Don’t expect an easy exit

Gobbler’s Knob does not fully evacuate until about 9:30am.  A lot of the stragglers who missed the event still go up and just stop to say they were there.

Road blocks in town will continue until all major bus traffic has stopped.  That can take a while if they’re having difficulties getting people onto and off buses.

Be cool

Everything takes a long time on Groundhog Day.  The Punxsutawney area is 15,000 people total.  That balloons by another 30,000 and they all flood one location then migrate in a flood to another location.

The infrastructure, what little there is, is not built for this.  There is no expressway.  There is no bypass (and please don’t mention a bypass, because all that idea does is piss off downtown businesses).

The community welcomes you

This town depends on this event.  It is that simple.  It is our claim to fame.

Like all locals, we do have a craven hatred of what drives people here.  Fortunately, the crazy locals are all thrown in gulags on January 29.  Well, not really.  But, the locals who hate GH Day start making themselves scarce around noon on February 1.

Area businesses, especially the eateries, will try to be open all night.

Please do the decent thing and patronize local establishments

First off, all Groundhog’s have a sort of Zapatista rural communist bent, and therefore just want to see you stick it to the Man.  Viciously.

Second, this community welcomes you.  Please welcome it, too.

Third, Punxsy is a pretty damn good place to eat.  Don’t waste it on fast food.